I am learning two main things it seems, during this season of relative rest. The same theme echos from the depths of each: they way things were before is not how they will be. Just because that is the way it has always been, does not mean God wants me to keep doing it that way.
Friendship, for example. My dear friend Mandy and I had a very eye-opening, pinnical conversation about such just yesterday. The role I have always played in my friendships is not necessarily the role I will play for all time. I believe God has it established for me to have a best friend, one to share the little, the big, the ins and the outs of EVERYDAY life with. I have never had that, to my knowledge, for whatever reason. Undeserving? Afraid of being too exposed and vulnerable to do that kind of life with another? Fear of rejection? WHO KNOWS? Nonetheless, I have not been the best-friend kind. Until now. I feel like I am in the throws of that very kind of friendship being established and formed for all time. Scary but exciting. I am confident that God is doing a new thing in me and this area of my life, for the purpose of blessing me beyond measure. God, and Mandy are graciously teaching me how to be a new kind of friend. Not that I am a bad friend at all. Just a different kind of friend. Wild! We will see what unfolds as we walk this new path, a road less traveled by this willing woman.
Love is the other area of change taking place. Love is patient, love is kind, love covers over wrongdoings, love is steadfast, love is God. If God is in me, then love resides there as well. If so, why do I not love the way the spirit in me is equipped to love? Yes, I am a sinner, saved by grace. "Pracitice, dear Child, practice!" I hear Him say. Loving the way I am equipped to love takes practice. It takes intention, discipline, longing and purpose. I am good at loving some people all the time and all people some of the time, but I want to love richly all people all the time. Is that too much to ask? It can't be. Jesus did. He says I can ask whatever in His name and it will be. I have not always been a woman of intentional love....until God asked me "Why are you so passionate about serving and teaching in my kingdoms name, but have not love for my kingdom?" "I don't know, God, good question!" Before I carry the marks of a woman of wisdom and knowledge, may I be a woman of LOVE! I want to love intentionally even if I don't feel like it, for the purpose that GOD might be seen and receive the glory He alone deserves. He has spoken with me about this, I believe, so now it is time to take what He is working in me and do something about it. Hearing it is NOT enough, that is merely one step in the process. Application and transformation is next. So...lets see how this shakes out.
Who I was, is not who I am to be. Thank you, God, for that!
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People love you just the way you are, don't forget that part. I admire your ability to step out of yourself and see where you want to take your next journeys ... but remember that you are special just as you are, too. Thank you for our talks ... I look forward to many, many more. Like we thought, many decades down the road, both with white hair, you with acrylic nails, me with thick glasses (you don't have to have a patch ... you already won that battle); you watching Golden Girls (and Baby Mama), me watching Friends and the Cosby Show; me worrying, you reminding me I don't have to. Maybe we'll get little lap dogs (ew) and name them Wingspan and Banjo. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to be part of all of your adventures and so glad you're part of mine, dear friend. Let's do this like Brutus (or whatever it is you say). :)